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Showing posts from June, 2017

Exhale.

Tonight, in yoga, I asked myself: “What is my body trying to teach me? What has it already taught me, here, in these rooms, on this mat? What have I learned from you?” I kept going with the class, reflecting on those questions as I moved from one pose to the next, my center strong, my balance holding firm, my body moving through the air as through water. That is one of my favorite feelings – my body holding itself, moving with grace and precision and control into exactly the next right place. To know when and where to hold, to let go, to move. To feel safe and in control. To know that I can trust my body to take me where I need to go. To be present with myself, taking instruction from outside and integrating it completely with my deepest inner knowing. And when that happens, I flow.

And then it comes to me “My body has taught me that when I am present with myself, when I go inside and pay attention, when I listen for and to that still small voice inside, it is there. Not only is it t…

"How to Love Someone Who is Broken" by Nikita Gill

Believe more deeply.

"Believe more deeply. Hold you face to the light, even if for the moment you do not see." - Bill Wilson

Mary Oliver, from "Upstream"

"The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.”   ― Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays

"Prayer" by Marie Howe

Every day I want to speak with you. And every day something more important calls for my attention—the drugstore, the beauty products, the luggage I need to buy for the trip. Even now I can hardly sit here among the falling piles of paper and clothing, the garbage trucks outside already screeching and banging. The mystics say you are as close as my own breath. Why do I flee from you? My days and nights pour through me like complaints and become a story I forgot to tell. Help me. Even as I write these words I am planning to rise from the chair as soon as I finish this sentence.

"The Gate" by Marie Howe

I had no idea that the gate I would step through
to finally enter this world

would be the space my brother's body made. He was
a little taller than me: a young man

but grown, himself by then,
done at twenty-eight, having folded every sheet,

rinsed every glass he would ever rinse under the cold
and running water.

This is what you have been waiting for, he used to say to me.
And I'd say, What?

And he'd say, This—holding up my cheese and mustard sandwich.
And I'd say, What?
And he'd say, This, sort of looking around.

--

Hear it here.

From "The Meadow," by Marie Howe

...My love, this might be
all we know of forgiveness, this small time when you can forget 
what you are. There will come a day when the meadow will think  suddenly, water, root, blossom, through no fault of its own,  and the horses will lie down in daisies and clover. Bedeviled,  human, your plight, in waking, is to choose from the words 
that even now sleep on your tongue, and to know that tangled  among them and terribly new is the sentence that could change your life.

--

Hear it here. 

"Hurry" by Marie Howe

We stop at the dry cleaners and the grocery store
and the gas station and the green market and
Hurry up honey, I say, hurry,
as she runs along two or three steps behind me
her blue jacket unzipped and her socks rolled down.

Where do I want her to hurry to? To her grave?
To mine? Where one day she might stand all grown?
Today, when all the errands are finally done, I say to her,
Honey I'm sorry I keep saying Hurry—
you walk ahead of me. You be the mother.

And, Hurry up, she says, over her shoulder, looking
back at me, laughing. Hurry up now darling, she says,
hurry, hurry, taking the house keys from my hands.

--  Such a good reminder to live more slowly, be in the present with ourselves and with each other - the only place where anything real ever happens anyway, and to enjoy it while we can.

Hear it here. 

Some things Anne Lamott knows to be true.

"...There is almost nothing outside of you that will help in any kind of lasting way, unless you're waiting for an organ. You can't buy, achieve or date serenity and peace of mind. This is the most horrible truth, and I so resent it. But it's an inside job, and we can't arrange peace or lasting improvement for the people we love most in the world. They have to find their own ways, their own answers. You can't run alongside your grown children with sunscreen and ChapStick on their hero's journey. You have to release them. It's disrespectful not to." Also:  "...Radical self-care is quantum, and it radiates out from you into the atmosphere like a little fresh air. It's a huge gift to the world...Being full of affection for one's goofy, self-centered, cranky, annoying self is home. It's where world peace begins."
And also (to be used going forward as my personal writing mantra):  "You're going to feel like hell if you w…

Coming Home.

Two years ago I got divorced. I did it with my head held high. After starting my marriage off with an affair I decided to change my life. I entered recovery and lived out the next 6 years sober & faithful, the best wife I could be. But we grew apart, and less than a year after our daughter was born, we split up. Then I fell in love again. I forgot what it felt like to be head over heels in love with someone, and quite honestly it knocked me off my feet. I really thought that God had finally answered all my prayers - I thought I had finally gotten what I wanted - the dream come true. 
Just about eight months ago, my boyfriend came clean after months of relapsing that I did not know about. I felt broken like I really don’t think I have ever felt before, and the healing has been slow and painful. There is no doubt that we are both doing the work, but it is hard. 
It occurred to me recently that much of the pain his relapse has brought up for me is old pain. It shouldn’t be a surprise,…

nayyirah waheed -- less

"i want more 'men' with flowers falling from their skin.  more water in their eyes.  more tremble in their bodies.  more women in their hearts than  on their hands.  more softness in their height.  more honesty in their voice.  more wonder.  more humility in their feet. 
-- less"
- nayyirah waheed 

nayyirah waheed - the bridge

"someone can be madly in love with you. and still not be ready. they can love you in a way you have never been loved. and still not join you on the bridge. and whatever their reasons you must leave. because you ever have you inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge..." - nayyirah waheed


Faith.

And then God said, "No need to worry. Remember the magic I can make with simple things like water, light, and air?"


Dear Human:

"Dear Human: You've got it all wrong. You didn't come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you'll return. You came here to learn personal love... You didn't come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then to rise again into remembering..." - Courtney A. Walsh

Home.

"Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all thi…