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thoughts on motherhood: week 7


After 7 weeks and 3 days I have this to offer: Motherhood is kind of insane. And by insane I mean that my heart has never felt so open, that I have never had to access this level of patience, that I have never appreciated a shower or a meal so much, that I could never have imagined loving anyone so unconditionally, that I have never felt such closeness to my husband, and that I have never realised the blessing of a healthy body or a good night's sleep.

But also that I have never felt such an intense urge to control so many things, that I have never before known the kind of overwhelming guttural panic that comes when Harper is crying and nothing will fix it, that my body is nothing like what I remember, and that the best thing I can do for myself and my family is to stay calm and full of love.

It's amazing the way that my priorities seem to have shifted overnight, and despite how huge a change it all is, how incredibly natural it feels. It feels like this is what I was made for - like everything else was preparing me and paving the way for her arrival - and even though it's sometimes a shock to remember that I can no longer get a coffee or a pedicure or go to yoga without a lot of preplanning, it's so worth it. It's worth the love for which there are not actually words, and the joy of looking into Harper's slate blue eyes and thinking to myself "We made you!," "I love you," and "For you, I can move mountains." 

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My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world now. Ours is a time of almost daily astonishment and often righteous rage over the latest degradations of what matters most to civilized, visionary people.

You are right in your assessments. The lustre and hubris some have aspired to while endorsing acts so heinous against children, elders, everyday people, the poor, the unguarded, the helpless, is breathtaking. Yet, I urge you, ask you, gentle you, to please not spend your spirit dry by bewailing these difficult times. Especially do not lose hope. Most particularly because, the fact is that we were made for these times. Yes. For years, we have been learning, practicing, been in training for and just waiting to meet on this exact plain of engagement.

I grew up on the Great Lakes and recognize a seaworthy vessel when I see one. Regarding awakene…