16 November 2013

letters to our little one, part ii

7 weeks & 6 days.

It's been a few weeks since I've written to you. I meant to sit down on Monday and tell you all about our first doctor's appointment, but the days have (luckily!) been kind of slipping by, and by the time I get a minute of down time all I can really manage to do is eat or sleep. But here I am - I have slept for a few hours already today, I just drove in the rain to eat a brownie sundae, and I have a few minutes before I have to head out again. So, I am taking advantage of the time and using it as an opportunity to say hi to you, Little One!

It's still a bit surreal that you exist. I have to remind myself sometimes. And then, on the other hand, it is all I think about. On Monday we went to the doctor for our first scan (or ultrasound as we call them in the States). I was so excited and anxious I could barely contain myself. It's just so hard to even fathom what is happening inside my body right now - that I could be doing something as amazing as creating a little you without really even having to DO anything in the conscious, active sense of the word. However, I have heard that a sleeping pregnant woman's body is working as hard (or maybe harder than?) a mountain climber! So, the reality is that I am working VERY hard to make you and to keep you healthy. It's just in all these magical little ways that I'm (mostly) really not aware of.

In any case, at the scan the doctor confirmed that you are in fact there - healthy - and that your heart beat is strong. How exciting! We got to see and hear your rapid little heart beat - a little flicker on the screen - and listening to that beating heart was, I promise you, one of the most beautiful things that either your dad or I have ever, ever heard. We were both teary and completely in awe. In all honesty, I was more than teary, and could not help but cry out of both relief and excitement at hearing your healthy little heart. What a magical thing to hear. The doctor informed us that you measure a whopping 8.2mm, which is ±10,000 times the size you were at conception - and apparently you are growing at the rate of about a millimetre a day. Amazing!

You dad is incredibly busy these days studying hard for final exams. But after the scan he drove himself straight to the mall and bought a frame for your first picture. It's sitting proudly on his desk and I am quite sure that, throughout the day, he takes little breaks to say hi to you and express his gratitude that you exist. We are both so excited about you and grateful to have had a part in creating something so magical - and we don't even know you yet!

Our next scan is in two weeks time, and at that point you will be 10 weeks old. You will be a foetus (right now you are apparently still an embryo) and I am pretty sure we'll be able to see quite a bit more activity. The in-between times are hard. It's so reassuring to get these opportunities to see you in there and to say hi to you - to know you are alive and well. But I pray for you daily - thank God for you and ask Him to keep you safe and protected. Aside from taking good care of myself, it is really the biggest service I can do for you to invite God in and ask Him to help us both through this process. And I suppose that is a great lesson to be learning already, as it will so likely be the case for so much of your life to come! Already I can understand a little bit about what makes motherhood so hard. Detachment, faith, patience and love is not an easy combination to master. But for you, Little One, I will continue to try my hardest.

xx Mama



You & your heart beat at 7 weeks. 


All 8.2mm of you, between the two dots.


Framed, on your dad's (very messy) desk.

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